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We here at Consumer Reports have received several complaints and otherwise unusual accounts from an Edge auto business: Highwind Automotive. Between their apathetic and oversexed staff, their foul mouthed manager, and their penchant for giving customers unasked for hydraulics and unneeded weapon compartments, we have decided to conduct a thorough and unbiased investigation into their business and ethics practices.

Exhibit D – Customer Service.

This concerned consumer marched straight to the Customer Service office, and my only immediate reward was a ten minute wait. I was patient however, and when the previous customer finally left the office, I couldn't help but notice that he seemed rather placated. Note was taken that at least some customers of this establishment left satisfied. I then went into the office and retold my tale of disgusting, wanton homosexual debauchery and flippant disregard for safety and hygiene.

"And?" Reno, the so-called Customer Service representative said, smoking indoors, mind you, "What the fu-k do you want me to do about it?"

I was rendered speechless. There was absolutely no redemption for this auto shop in my book, no amount of coupons or vouchers can could possibly rectify the situation, as I would surely never be returning. I told Reno that I was honestly uncertain how the situation could have ever be remedied, so scarred was I.

"Listen baby, I'm here for you," Reno explained, leaning forward to finally snub his cigarette out, "And I don't want you leavin' this room unless you're completely.. totally.. 100% satisfied..."

"..What are you talking about?" I sputtered.

"What do you WANT me to be talking about?"

"..What do you expect me to want to be talking about?" I countered.

"Anything you WANNA talk about."

It was at this point that I was certain the mouth of hell would surely open up and swallow Highwind Automotive, "Do you miscreants even FIX CARS here?"

"Of course! And we're damn f-cking great at it!" Reno insisted, lighting yet another cancer stick, "We're family owned, and that means we don't gotta worry about corporate a--holes breathin' down our necks. We make our own rules, and that's that. If you don't like the fact that Vincent wears his hair down, or that Cid likes to blow up sh-t, or that Seph, Zack and Cloud like to f-ck on the new engines for good luck, you're free to walk out the f-ckin' door. I been hearin' complaints all day about some blonde nutcase walkin' around and givin' everyone a hard time. Now you're yappin' at me like you want somethin' from me, and then get on your high horse when I offer you the best f--kin' customer service in town! Try gettin' any of this sh-t at Tire Kingdom!"

"That does it. That absolutely tears it!" I finally shouted, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?"